Did I Stutter?

I’m losing my mojo, I swear.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and now I’m just….uncomfortable.  Maybe it was hearing my own voice that petrified me.  Maybe it was the sudden blushing or stuttering I could not stop.  Most likely, though, I was never as confident as I perceived. 

It’s okay, I’m not mad.  But given a little thought…..this seems problematic.  I have been caught more than once muttering a phrase to myself after speaking it aloud.  More than once when I was young.  I’m so damn aware, it hurts.  When i don’t speak as effectively, and I know it….I just want to cringe.  And I do.  I don’t articulate at a volume that I should…..shall we call it….speech retardation?  A slow start, maybe.  I’m just now a talkative type.

I had a great attitude this weekend.  It carries on.  I don’t want projects to stagnate or intentions to be lost.  No longer.  I went to Preuss Pets and stuck it out to ensure my volunteering status.  I went home to take care of that old tank in the only proper way I could imagine.  The one my dad never gravel-vacuumed.  I have started that pile of dishes and tackle so much and I want this pace forever and til death. 

The paralysis has been lifted.  Maybe I’m just cursed with residual feelings of insecurity.  They linger about my bed and I wonder.

Did I really stutter?


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