I’m losing my mojo, I swear. I stepped out of my comfort zone and now I’m just….uncomfortable. Maybe it was hearing my own voice that petrified me. Maybe it was the sudden blushing or stuttering I could not stop. Most likely, though, I was never as confident as I perceived.
It’s okay, I’m not mad. But given a little thought…..this seems problematic. I have been caught more than once muttering a phrase to myself after speaking it aloud. More than once when I was young. I’m so damn aware, it hurts. When i don’t speak as effectively, and I know it….I just want to cringe. And I do. I don’t articulate at a volume that I should…..shall we call it….speech retardation? A slow start, maybe. I’m just now a talkative type.
I had a great attitude this weekend. It carries on. I don’t want projects to stagnate or intentions to be lost. No longer. I went to Preuss Pets and stuck it out to ensure my volunteering status. I went home to take care of that old tank in the only proper way I could imagine. The one my dad never gravel-vacuumed. I have started that pile of dishes and tackle so much and I want this pace forever and til death.
The paralysis has been lifted. Maybe I’m just cursed with residual feelings of insecurity. They linger about my bed and I wonder.
Did I really stutter?