It’s 1 AM. I just finished washing the smoke out of my hair. That smoky, persistent poison that follows the nicotine habit. I had an unexpected guest tonight. The repercussions of that open invitation are debatable. But at least my hair smells like apples now.
It’s a small inconvenience, actually. To stay up a few hours extra and endure the second hand smoke. So small, when you think of a daughter disowned and essentially homeless. Someone I grew up with in sorts. The contrast has never been more stark. It’s like one side of the fence and the other in the space of a living room. One full of love and one with a less full cup. Furthermore, the culture was quite different. This guest has seen things I can’t hardly imagine. As I have seen things she could never dream. How could there ever be a comparison when lives are our own to guide? It’s a matter of birth, really. My parents set me for the world in ways her’s refused or could not. I gave her my goodwill donations which were hungrily accepted. But she seems so normal if you follow the internet. She could be me and I could be her.
I had the barriers throughout the encounter which were inevitable. She wanted to talk gossip. I was more….hesitant. I was supposed to provide crafts but I was caught off guard when i realized my company was desired for this purpose. I’m so tired. But figuring out this puzzle gave me a fresh perspective. I’m going to deal with these types of people and more. I have to expect the unexpected if I ever want to see change in the world. This is my destiny.
As I sit here, free of the company of a friend but who is not a friend, I’m only hoping now she smiled. I hope we both gained. Mostly I’m going to believe it for that is my take on life now. I have enriched her life as she has enriched mine in the last few hours. I love what I have. I’m also ashamed for having so much.
My goodwill donations are no longer a chore. I needed a shower anyways. I got to make someone happier and less lonely. I know to postpone further craft nights now. But also, I got the great chance to experience a new interaction. I have expanded my circle or my zone. I’m less comfortable but I’m happy I have my home to retreat to in these exercises. I’m happy to be alive. I’m happy. I’m happy. I’m a happy bird.