A Breath of Optimism

It’s 1 AM.  I just finished washing the smoke out of my hair.  That smoky, persistent poison that follows the nicotine habit.  I had an unexpected guest tonight.  The repercussions of that open invitation are debatable.  But at least my hair smells like apples now. 

It’s a small inconvenience, actually.  To stay up a few hours extra and endure the second hand smoke.  So small, when you think of a daughter disowned and essentially homeless.  Someone I grew up with in sorts.  The contrast has never been more stark.  It’s like one side of the fence and the other in the space of a living room.  One full of love and one with a less full cup.  Furthermore, the culture was quite different.  This guest has seen things I can’t hardly imagine.  As I have seen things she could never dream.  How could there ever be a comparison when lives are our own to guide?  It’s a matter of birth, really.  My parents set me for the world in ways her’s refused or could not.  I gave her my goodwill donations which were hungrily accepted.  But she seems so normal if you follow the internet.  She could be me and I could be her. 

I had the barriers throughout the encounter which were inevitable.  She wanted to talk gossip.  I was more….hesitant.  I was supposed to provide crafts but I was caught off guard when i realized my company was desired for this purpose.  I’m so tired.  But figuring out this puzzle gave me a fresh perspective.  I’m going to deal with these types of people and more.  I have to expect the unexpected if I ever want to see change in the world.  This is my destiny. 

As I sit here, free of the company of a friend but who is not a friend, I’m only hoping now she smiled. I hope we both gained.  Mostly I’m going to believe it for that is my take on life now.  I have enriched her life as she has enriched mine in the last few hours.  I love what I have.  I’m also ashamed for having so much. 

My goodwill donations are no longer a chore.  I needed a shower anyways.  I got to make someone happier and less lonely.  I know to postpone further craft nights now.  But also, I got the great chance to experience a new interaction.  I have expanded my circle or my zone.  I’m less comfortable but I’m happy I have my home to retreat to in these exercises.  I’m happy to be alive.  I’m happy.  I’m happy.  I’m a happy bird. 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s