Playing God….or something like that

Coming from an animal breeder’s perspective, it’s kinda funny to see all of the little animals you are entitled to everyday.  And in the case of fish…all of the animals you have 100% say over who lives or dies.  Craziness!  Only that’s exactly how it is.  I’m an animal too, though.  Not a god. 


It’s very hard to be as much of an atheist as I am.  And be surrounded by religious inputs from friends and others.  I look at these creatures and imagine this on the scale of the world…and it’s simply true to say that every animal that lives on this planet does so for the purpose of humans or at the discretion of humans.  Which makes me wonder…is the idea of god something put in place to ensure we are not kings of the world?  at least, not in our minds? 

I can’t imagine the horror, and shudder to think of the truth.  Even without thinking, i control the lives of things that should have an equal fight in the world.  I am a human with little fears when i should be equally fearful but for real reasons. I’m more afraid of humans than anything else.  And our absurd potential. 

But even so, I do love guppy sorting. 


If Not for Critters


That right there is love.  A new baby rodent to grace the world and in my palm.  That baby soft fur rat.  It’s a critter of mine.

And if not for those critters…..well, I probably wouldn’t be hungry today.

It’s such a counter intuitive move to spend money on animals when you need it to eat.  When you wouldn’t be broke if not for unnecessary “luxuries.”  A pet is supposed to be a luxury- only afforded truly by those who have more than enough for themselves in the bank.  I don’t.  I live paycheck to paycheck like a lot of people.  Only i really wouldn’t have to if I didn’t have these critters.

And the demands only mount.  I have….probably 11 lizards right now.  5 rodents.  2 axolotls.  Copious live feeder insects.  100+fish.  A cat who is more of a child to me.  Yet it always seems I’m on the lookout for the next cool species.  To breed and keep for my livelihood which neither activity supports. 

Today I realized that if not for critters, I’d be pretty well-off.  I’d have a savings account with money.  I wouldn’t get myself in a pinch like today where I’m eating the remnants of a packed lunch until I get home at 10 PM after 10 hours away.  But then….

What would I have to look forward to?

Most certainly not that little baby rat. 

And what would I spend my days doing?

Watching Netflix and studying dusty old books?

I can’t say I’d rather have anything else.  So leftover halloween candy it is… persist.  Til the next paycheck.  Which I will readily spend on my critters. 

Energy Cycling

Aha!  It’s snowing.
And I have been lazy.  Shamefully, shamefully lazy.  Not only in keeping up with the blog as intended.  But also with speaking my mind, and exploring new options.  I haven’t ceased learning.  But maybe I’ve ceased “doing.”  I set to fix that post-haste!  The results….point to the title of the post mostly.  I have been hard at work figuring out a balance in this energy conundrum.

You see, I’m always short the energy I need to make it all happen, but the ambition and the work load pile ever higher.  I acquired probably…..10 or more new species of fish over the last week.  Crazy.  Some of it really couldn’t be helped (as I encountered a number of rare species).  But most of it was purely to make my life harder in an indirect way.  Oh it’s so cheap!  Oh but the work involved to achieve success with it……The unforeseeable headache!  Except I definitely see it now….

I could so easily buy into the energy scams.  Drinks with hyped up caffeine content sound great.  but the crash hurts just as bad as the laziness.  What I have sought long term is a balanced diet and sleep routine.  However, at some point, I may have to accept that the playing field will never be even.  Every function of every thing takes a beautiful fueling of energy.  I’m seeing this even in my husbandry techniques.  More and more it becomes relevant that to get more out of life….I have to put more in.  But in this case, I’m being quite literal.  How about a nice sandwich once in a while for this poor skinny gal?  Get some muscle and maybe the inclination to do every water change on a daily basis.  In theory, it’s great.  In reality, it’s fiction.

At any rate, I’m still fascinated with my potential.  And where I have failings, I only look forward to tomorrow for my chance to tackle it.

After all, I had confirmation recently from a fellow hobbyist in the effective text of an old aquarium magazine that the ambitions of a fish keeper as so endless because the chance of having a dull day is so very slim!  I mean, 50 tanks now….gotta be.  It’s whatever I want it to be.  And not getting it done today only means I have tomorrow to look forward to.

That said.  Shit still needs to get done.  In general.

In the precarious balance of home, school, and work.  Home loses?  Not without a fight, I say!



Working at a pet store is phenomenal if you are as inclined to keep animals as I.  Just biked home because it’s not a bad day for November in Michigan.  Now I hear a bag full of crickets chirping at my side.  Potential dinner for my assortment of critters.  

Oh, what’s that picture? 

Neolamprologus buescheri.  Because I really want to take home a pair of these from work. 

I know my creature comforts well.  They cheer the most abysmal of times.  Filling it with……chirping.


The Catch

It seems striking that happiness can be sustained for so long and yet still snag and plummet in the event of something so….unimportant.  It’s as though the body really does need to cry once in a while.  For general maintenance, if nothing else.  After all, it knows a lot more than I do.  But that “wisdom” is not always correct nor beneficial. 

So, you can imagine.  The fish geek falters today.  Actually, it hasn’t been great since sickness took hold.  But it is as though I’m fighting an inevitable- like a naysayer that doesn’t know her place.  What is a place in this great social realm?

How stupid it is to want company at all, when the desirable organism is self-sustaining. 

My fish do not require each other but for occasional stimulation.

And so, I require them for such as well. 

The catch of the matter is….Where does a fish geek fit outside of her fish?  And that little house in the brain.  I’m camped out there well tonight. 

I swear I’m moving soon. 

And away from this plight.