Cat Problems

My friend and I have made up (sort of), but my cat and I are on newly tumultuous terms.  Eh, scratch that.  We’ve always kinda had an issue.  That issue lies in my desire to keep a vibrant menagerie of living things and Kronos’ desire to ….murder everything.  Today marks the death of the fourth lizard at the paws of my purebred Bengal cat.  That really bites, especially since I’ve only tried my hardest to amp up security and safety with every casualty.  I should be at the top of my game.  But I’m not, and the cat cannot be blamed particularly since he only does what comes natural.  This sucks more so because, like the human friend, things were going so well earlier.  Kronos was being cute, and I felt like my day was so accomplished.  I thought I could trust him and that I had a handle on things.  I thought it was gonna be a pleasant Sunday for the books.  However, instead of going to bed contented, I’m still wide awake at nearly 2 AM, pointing a laser to the floor to amuse and exhaust the cat.  He’s an engine for destruction, after all. I’m not all that with it, but I’m processing things better now that a few hours have passed and the body buried.  Out of sight, out of mind… or so they say.

I shake it off so easy now.  When something dies, I cannot really find reason to mourn for long; its passing is not something I can change.  For practicality and survival reasons, I move on quick.

“That was quick.”

He always said that to me, when I’d pretend I’d moved on.  Oh but that statement betrays great jealousy, and I always hone in and pay attention despite knowing nothing will ever change.  Why do I mourn him, then?  I don’t try to.  We’ve reconciled.  We are…just friends now.  We always were, but now it is much more precisely defined.  I must truly move on here, too.  I struggle with being social and I always thought he “got” me.  I’m still isolated from humans, but my animals, it appears, play no nicer.  They toy with my emotions, too.  There’s really no winning, is there?

I don’t know what I want and there’s no one to really tell but this blog.  So I’m awake still and trying to move past another funeral. I can only move forward, of course.  Life is not sacred, and I will repeat that often in my writing.  When a creature perishes, no other animal can afford mourning without suffering great detriment.  It is replaced.  It is forgotten in the sands of time.  We assign importance as necessary because some things play greater roles in our lives than others.  They are deserving of respect because the loss is recognizable. But those who adapt survive and surviving is all we know how to do.  My defenses are up.  I must forget about you, beloved lizard.  Lest the disappointment ruin me.  Otherwise, I can only think of how I let you down.  There will be other lizards.

Will there be others of myself?

Will there be others of you?

How silly.  I really must get to bed.  These cat problems might kill me.


Never a Dull Moment

Since getting this new phone, photo sharing has been such a streamlined process for me.  It is a far cry from the days when I would hook up my digital camera to my computer for uploads or use the SD card slot in my laptop.  It’s surprisingly fast and I’m learning more of how to use the technology.  It seems silly, and I’ve heard the remark “Welcome to 2008.”  Ah yes, behind the times I am.  That’s okay, it bothers me not.  However, the world of sharing photos of my menagerie has opened up quite substantially.   I’m as curious as a cat.  Speaking of which….

kronos face

Ah yes, that’s what I’m talking about.  There is another problem I encounter, though.  If I can share photos this easily, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.  This house is full of animals that fill my life with little moments.  And each moment is precious to me.  Each moment we interact, I would love to beam it on a satellite for all to see if they so please.  I think the truth of my life is I’m actually burdened by having TOO MANY marvelous life forms surrounding me.  I actually have too much good on a daily basis.  I didn’t think it possible, but every time I turn around I have something new and touching to share.  Baby rats yawning in unison.  The tilt of a hungry steppe runner’s face as I prepare to bombard him with waxworms.  The baby cichlids that run up and down the side of the tank in begging formation.  I see so much that endears me to them and it happens so long as I am home to witness it.  I fear, because I never have a dull moment, I will strip my friends of interest in me.  They will grow tired of acknowledging my spastic enthusiasm, perhaps.  Oh no, that will be the day.  I would blame the technology but this is my natural state.

rat face

Here have a picture of more of my lovely rats.  Another cat and rat post, if you will.  But I promise there is so much more.  Are you ready??


The Things that Enrich You

The snow is falling more intensely today, piling the earth in winter dormancy.  I’ve already experienced many travels despite this, and despite not actually having a car to call my own.  I’ve begun to assume use of a loaner, and in a sense I still feel unstoppable.  Of course, that could be the loosened muscles in me speaking since a massage earlier restored elasticity.  I feel well, and it’s in proper order for this reboot.  I do not find this to be a false sense of security; I’m assured I am as on track as I could hope, at least for now.  That could also be the food in me speaking, as it nourishes my soul.  Whatever the source, it is from within that I strike forward.  Muscle, heart, cerebral cortex.  A stomach with less empty contents than the fish that I dissected the other day.

fish guts

It’s all here.  I’m all accounted for.

I’ve gathered plenty for this household of mine and so now that Mother Nature has beckoned for the cold, the work in the house beckons me and I feel ready.  This year I have a faithful pet rat to add cheer to my days.  It’s been years since I’ve had a rat of this sort; elephant-eared and human-pawed.  His name is Haku and he is in my home for the holidays.  It’s as if it was a missing piece, perhaps.  Honestly, I just feel so whole.  And for once, I am also confident another soul sits out there, isolated in another household yearning to be at my side as well.

haku rat

There are a million things to do inside, in my paradise.  If I continue to eat better and treat myself I think the positive attitude will linger longer and I will find much more dedication.  I am always apt to believe things will get better.  Perhaps better for me will be when the households are not separate and when my home is an absolute.  But for a temporary gig, I kinda like it so far.

This is the life.

Energy Cycling

Aha!  It’s snowing.
And I have been lazy.  Shamefully, shamefully lazy.  Not only in keeping up with the blog as intended.  But also with speaking my mind, and exploring new options.  I haven’t ceased learning.  But maybe I’ve ceased “doing.”  I set to fix that post-haste!  The results….point to the title of the post mostly.  I have been hard at work figuring out a balance in this energy conundrum.

You see, I’m always short the energy I need to make it all happen, but the ambition and the work load pile ever higher.  I acquired probably…..10 or more new species of fish over the last week.  Crazy.  Some of it really couldn’t be helped (as I encountered a number of rare species).  But most of it was purely to make my life harder in an indirect way.  Oh it’s so cheap!  Oh but the work involved to achieve success with it……The unforeseeable headache!  Except I definitely see it now….

I could so easily buy into the energy scams.  Drinks with hyped up caffeine content sound great.  but the crash hurts just as bad as the laziness.  What I have sought long term is a balanced diet and sleep routine.  However, at some point, I may have to accept that the playing field will never be even.  Every function of every thing takes a beautiful fueling of energy.  I’m seeing this even in my husbandry techniques.  More and more it becomes relevant that to get more out of life….I have to put more in.  But in this case, I’m being quite literal.  How about a nice sandwich once in a while for this poor skinny gal?  Get some muscle and maybe the inclination to do every water change on a daily basis.  In theory, it’s great.  In reality, it’s fiction.

At any rate, I’m still fascinated with my potential.  And where I have failings, I only look forward to tomorrow for my chance to tackle it.

After all, I had confirmation recently from a fellow hobbyist in the effective text of an old aquarium magazine that the ambitions of a fish keeper as so endless because the chance of having a dull day is so very slim!  I mean, 50 tanks now….gotta be.  It’s whatever I want it to be.  And not getting it done today only means I have tomorrow to look forward to.

That said.  Shit still needs to get done.  In general.

In the precarious balance of home, school, and work.  Home loses?  Not without a fight, I say!

To the Plucky Housewives…..

To make money for my hobby, and to also qualify for work study, I get my hours in at the library on campus.  When I got the job, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  Shelving was a must.  However, I got the end of the straw that said “congrats you get to crop and rotate and do computer stuff.”  It really is a fortunate job to have fallen into.   But again, not in the expected way.   For, I get to crop, rotate, and scan (beyond the massive collection of golf magazines) a plethora of old cook books.  I’m talking pre-1900’s old, in some cases!  Tonight was one of those.  I was scanning a household manual dedicated to “The Plucky Housewives of 1876.”

At first, I chuckled.  Who doesn’t find the housewife tradition a bit dated?  A few hours in, though, and I was starting to agree with the logic behind it.  If every family could be traditional, there are undeniable benefits for having a party solely to manage the household for which sanity depends.  And what woman doesn’t secretly enjoy the craft anyways?  I know I do.  I’m a closet housewife.

I also admire the language and written text of those times.  People today write as though a dictionary were not a useful tool.  I think all the new humans of the world could use a more dedicated mother these days……

If for nothing else, to teach them to get off their butts and drop the iPhone.

Them Plucky Housewives knew what was up.

Human Homogenization

Through a series of informative lectures and personal observations that coincided almost perfectly, I find my mind further lost in the hopeless sea that efforts are for such little gain.  The world is a global habitat now, and everything will homogenize at alarming rates.  This means, for a girl who cherishes diversity in life….that diversity will suffer.

I have long noticed this pattern of righting wrongs and the desire to go back to nature.  An overwhelming guilt plagues the wary individuals of successive generations since the human colonization of every continent.  This guilt says we have to hit the undo button, or life will spiral downward. I’m one of those wary individuals.  I’m stuck at odds with what I love and what I see.  And what needs to continue to be.  Humans crave stability, but a healthy planet is nothing near 100% stable.  And the world is changed daily.

The path I have chosen for education and career is precisely what I was born for.  The problem lies in the people.  I can’t decide if the people are the problem or the ally.  I can’t decide if I’m fighting them or I’m helping them.  The name of the game is serving human interest, even in the most grandiose of purported conservation.  I’m supposed to speed up the process of managing resources, with this fisheries degree I stand to obtain.  But I just don’t know what stable mindset I should support to tackle the vast complexity of issues.

The slew of thoughts I now entertain came from the trigger of a most random event.  Last night, I was picking apples from my place of origin in Charlotte, Michigan.  I was to bring the produce twenty minutes north to Lansing.  And I distinctly remember, as I examined each apple for insects and imperfections, that I had a fleeting concern for the transportation of unknown or unwanted organisms to nonnative habitat.  Of course, I had to laugh at myself.  Too late for that worry.  It was too late before I was born.

Planes take off and land daily from destinations hundreds of miles apart.  This happens just…..beyond control.  You can’t stop the mixing of life forms.  You can’t keep things pure.  Pure does not exist.   I have even read articles that persuade quite convincingly the likelihood of humans becoming all one race with the increased occurrence of interbreeding.  Management processes only slow the inevitable.  Because, inevitably, there is no stopping the will of the living.  Animals will flourish where they can, just as humans continue to do.  Flora, Fauna, pathogens, amoeba, what have you….if it can take over, it will.  And that is the reality of all life on earth.  Humans unleashed this monstrosity before it could ever emerge on its own.  The mixing and mixing that goes on before our eyes.  And when we try to impose human interest on it…..

What’s the point?

A New Stroll through an Old Town

I live very close to an old town.  THE Old Town, actually.  By car it’s about a five minute journey.  By walking….closer to twenty minutes.  By biking, however….no more than ten.  Since this destination houses a favorite pet store of mine (Preuss Pets), I frequent the area.  Today, I took the bike route. 

I had two things in mind to prepare for my impending bug/fish collecting trip:  fish bags and bait shop goods.  I knew how to acquire the former, but was uncertain what I would find in the latter.  To me, it was adventure time.  Such small unknowns spice up the simplest of days.  So I took off on a refurbished bike.  I felt the breeze and pedaled with ease.  The weather was impeccable for biking.  I soaked it in with every breath.   If I set aside my worries, this is an excellent time. 

Despite the inconveniences of not having a car, I can deal with the bike alternative.  I can always deal.  I survive and adapt and I find something good whenever I can.  So in that sense, though I had visited this town so many times in my past.  Last week, even.  I still found new pleasures and scents and sights and I let it overwhelm my sensory processes. 

The bags were acquired.  And I think I’ll go back to that bait shop!