My friend and I have made up (sort of), but my cat and I are on newly tumultuous terms. Eh, scratch that. We’ve always kinda had an issue. That issue lies in my desire to keep a vibrant menagerie of living things and Kronos’ desire to ….murder everything. Today marks the death of the fourth lizard at the paws of my purebred Bengal cat. That really bites, especially since I’ve only tried my hardest to amp up security and safety with every casualty. I should be at the top of my game. But I’m not, and the cat cannot be blamed particularly since he only does what comes natural. This sucks more so because, like the human friend, things were going so well earlier. Kronos was being cute, and I felt like my day was so accomplished. I thought I could trust him and that I had a handle on things. I thought it was gonna be a pleasant Sunday for the books. However, instead of going to bed contented, I’m still wide awake at nearly 2 AM, pointing a laser to the floor to amuse and exhaust the cat. He’s an engine for destruction, after all. I’m not all that with it, but I’m processing things better now that a few hours have passed and the body buried. Out of sight, out of mind… or so they say.
I shake it off so easy now. When something dies, I cannot really find reason to mourn for long; its passing is not something I can change. For practicality and survival reasons, I move on quick.
“That was quick.”
He always said that to me, when I’d pretend I’d moved on. Oh but that statement betrays great jealousy, and I always hone in and pay attention despite knowing nothing will ever change. Why do I mourn him, then? I don’t try to. We’ve reconciled. We are…just friends now. We always were, but now it is much more precisely defined. I must truly move on here, too. I struggle with being social and I always thought he “got” me. I’m still isolated from humans, but my animals, it appears, play no nicer. They toy with my emotions, too. There’s really no winning, is there?
I don’t know what I want and there’s no one to really tell but this blog. So I’m awake still and trying to move past another funeral. I can only move forward, of course. Life is not sacred, and I will repeat that often in my writing. When a creature perishes, no other animal can afford mourning without suffering great detriment. It is replaced. It is forgotten in the sands of time. We assign importance as necessary because some things play greater roles in our lives than others. They are deserving of respect because the loss is recognizable. But those who adapt survive and surviving is all we know how to do. My defenses are up. I must forget about you, beloved lizard. Lest the disappointment ruin me. Otherwise, I can only think of how I let you down. There will be other lizards.
Will there be others of myself?
Will there be others of you?
How silly. I really must get to bed. These cat problems might kill me.