Motivational or Momentary?

Today started off well for the fish geek.  I woke up on time, got to work on time, and then also found myself highly proficient in multitasking.  It could be I’m on the verge of good changes in my life.  It could have been the addition of breakfast to my routine.  It could also be I’m too happy to write off every waking hour to something I’m physically unable to fulfill.  But damn it looks good on paper.  And I think my life is pretty well made these days when I peer at my to-do list and marvel at how busy I truly am.  I truly should be, anyways.  I am prone to breaking down.  At least, for today I felt more motivation than I have in a while.  It’s something to hold on to, and a feeling too easily shaken.  It was a moment, but I hope progress to be more steady than momentary.

I want to manage money better.  It is a skill to be earned, and not earned without struggle.  For earning is to gain after trial.  I haven’t had a great history with finances. That said, my hole I have dug is not far deep.  It’s manageable.  And management is key in every contour of my life.  From fish to work to nutrition and more.  Staying on top of things is the ultimate prize in the industrialized world.  I have much at my fingertips, so I best put in the work.  My first goal is setting a realistic budget.  One that can effectively eliminate my debt.  But then, Aquabid comes up on my browser in all of its glory.  Did I need that species of Xiphophorus?  probably not.  I probably fucked up my budget for the rest of the month that just barely is.   Such is the turmoil of fish addiction.

I plan to put on a garage sale.  I think it very fun to put such an event on.  It brings in a little cash.  But also creates purpose for items otherwise sitting on shelves or under beds.  Things that need life.  I have lots of things I sit on but if I cannot find adequate use, then my reasons to allow their space taking are nothing more than excuses.  I like to watch parents browse old toys and take home something I had long overlooked for the ultimate stimulation of their child’s mind.  I like to imagine the adventures these possessions will know.  And my cleaner living space will be a greater accomplishment at the end of the day.  Not that I am awful with possessions.  But a closet full of dress up stuff only goes so far…..And I’ve a few broken tanks that can be discarded or given away.  Spring is here, at long last.   And with it the sense of renewal most esteemed.


Last motivating factor is to focus my hobby into a streamlined mission.  I like to breed fish, but I need to be doing so in a way that gives back some cash in the end.  Just a little to offset.  Just enough to justify the creation of more animals.  Spring semester at university is about done, and now my mind is out the window and back with the intentions I can find time and energy to nurture.  Theoretically.  If you ignore the amount of hours I just signed away to my other jobs in this world.  I love them all, but I may find something has to give.  For now, I’m on top of the world in the motivational moments that have consumed my brain.  I have drive again.  I put myself in drive.  There is never a doubt of what I’m capable of.  The only doubt is when I will achieve it.  Should the date get pushed back any further, I know I cannot prosper.  I know it’s now that I must act.

Am I motivated, or am I just wishing I was?  Because.  Intentions are just promises that haven’t been kept.


Downsizing in the Name of Opportunity?

After an amicable visit with my dad for an exchange of groceries and home-grown fruits, I was left with a little advice:
“You should start downsizing soon so you don’t miss out on opportunities”

Immediately, I agreed with him.   I mean, who can argue that a house full of pets doesn’t tie you down?  But then my true spirit kicked in and I knew deep down that nothing he ever had to say on the matter could change my desires. 

Simply put, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything in life.  In fact, I believe the fish room and hobby is creating more opportunity than diminishing.  So what if I can’t study abroad or vacation for extended periods?  I am not even slightly bothered, really.  When I do a little soul-searching. 

I have had a tendency to go overboard with my hobbies, I admit.  I keep more fish than most people find sane and I always want more.  I don’t act on those impulses and I have decent control of the situation.  But the outsider judges all too quickly that I’m crazy and need to change my ways.  They don’t say this, I just see it in their eyes.  I see it in the way they proceed to live differently in the name of normalcy.  I also see that nothing I am doing is hurting my pursuit of happiness nor theirs.  So why do I need to downsize?

What if I’m settled in and I am content with life…..wouldn’t most people say “more power to ya” if that’s the context?  I am young.  But I have never wavered in my desires.  I have never fallen out of this phase.  I am convinced I need not seek to complicate my current set up for anticipated travels.  To be honest, I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.