The entire day has plagued me with this troubling pain just behind my temples. I think I’ve been staring at screens far too long; the back-lit kind with the pixels. My work at the library demands high attention to pixels as I carefully photoshop the bad spots on images. Five hours straight of that and two days in a row ought to explain the pain that is the migraine. However, I’m not convinced. I haven’t felt myself in quite some time now.
Friday is a glorious weekday in that I get paid. I almost immediately have errands to attend to at week’s end, and this week proved no different. So I set to work picking up some necessities after that library gig which left me with a terrible migraine was through. I wandered around a pet store and a specialty grocer and the supermarket in total. I had ensured there was food in my belly beforehand, and as I walked down aisle after aisle of delectable food items I was struck by just how much I didn’t care. I looked at the scrumptious things before me and thought of my budget and then thought of my needs and concluded I didn’t know what I was doing. So I wandered aimlessly a while more. I felt on the verge of tears, flooded by memories of my friend and I as I was. There were couples picking out cheese at the dairy counter and grabbing alcoholic beverages for the weekend. I couldn’t stand it. I felt so sad, because I’ve not had that true couple experience in years. And what I might have considered couple behavior was always a lie. So naturally I blamed my apparent inferiority and tried to move on and make some good of the effort I expended to get to the store. I set my mind to a few projects. No one likes a hopeless girl.
It hardly helps any that I tried to have a casual sexual encounter just before this. I like to think fuck buddies can be a viable thing, but more and more I think it’s just the lying cherry on top of the sundae of lies. It didn’t go as planned and the guy bailed as he always does. Leaving me for better things; things that suit him more. I can hardly blame him.
I want to believe it is the migraine that’s getting to me. I don’t like to throw pity parties where the cake is a lie. I’m doing just fine.
I’ve just got a migraine. It’ll go away in time.